Lost in Mirkwood, Lost in Mind
by Havenathia
Summary: "One of us is missing. Our youngest. He was with us until the spiders attacked us." When the Company is passing through Mirkwood, one dwarf goes missing during the spider attacks. And nobody can find him. Because he has already been found.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. Yet...**

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><p>Falling. It felt odd to be woken by falling. He could feel he was falling, the way his stomach didn't feel quite right, like it wasn't in the right place. And then he opened his eyes and saw the ground coming closer. He was falling slowly. Slowly enough not to plummet to the ground and break every bone in his body, but not slow enough prevent his consciousness from leaving him after hitting his head against a branch.<p>

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><p>Fili felt slightly sick after emerging from the cocoon of webbing that the spider had wrapped him in. Everything he could see was spinning and he could tell he wasn't walking in a straight line. His stomach ached and he felt like he wanted to be sick. And he could tell from the other dwarves' faces, they all felt the same; some looked a bit worse and some seemed to be in a state that was fairly worse, but no one seemed to feel better than him.<p>

Fili sat down and curled himself into a ball, not quite sure why he was doing it, but when he stood up again he felt a little better. Just a little.

He saw more spiders coming. He fought them, but he wasn't paying attention to them, he was more focused on staying upright. He still wasn't paying attention when he lost one of his swords and the spider knocked him over. He was only paying attention when he saw an arrow pierce the beast. An elvish arrow.

Seeing the arrows that rained from the trees, his brain began to slowly put together an explanation of what was happening. They had been caught by spiders, in Mirkwood. They had escaped the spiders. The spiders had come after them. The elves were beginning to turn up and kill the all the spiders were dead, he watched as the elves slowly emerged from the trees, bows bent in their hands, ready to fire. Quite a few had red hair, he noticed. But their leader was blond. He was talking to another elf in elvish, discussing something. Probably what they should do with them, their prisoners.

When they rounded up the company and began to lead them somewhere, Fili turned to Kili, about to make a smart remark and realised that he wasn't there. He could see everyone else, Balin, Dwalin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Oin, Gloin, Nori, Dori, Ori, and Thorin, but not Kili.

He looked around frantically, forgetting how ill he felt in the blink of an eye, completely focused on locating his brother.

Failing to see him, he walked up to Thorin, trying not to seemed panicked and hopelessly failing, and said quietly in his ear, "Uncle, where's Kili?"

"No talking!" A redheaded the elf snapped.

"One of us is missing," Thorin announced.

"Why should that concern us?" The elf asked.

The blond elf barked a command before turning to Thorin. "One of you is missing?" He asked, skeptically.

"Our youngest. He was with is until the spiders attacked us. His name is Kili; he has brown hair, he's an archer, he's barely got a beard and he's his brother," Thorin said, pointing at Fili for his last point.

Some of the elves murmured amongst themselves. The blond elf turned to the redheaded elf that stood beside him. They had a quick conversation and she took off.

"I have sent my second-in-command off in search of your missing dwarf. She will look for him. And if he can be found, she will find him."

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><p>"I think they're lying, Legolas. I don't think there is another dwarf," Tauriel had said.<p>

"I'm not sure. The way they could give the details so quickly, that's not something most make up so quickly on the spot," he had replied.

"I think most can."

"Dwarves take pride in their beards. Do you think they'd come up with a dwarf without a beard?"

Tauriel thought for a second before sighing. "I suppose you want me to go and look for this dwarf?"

Legolas nodded.

"Very well," she had sighed and ran off in the direction they'd come from.

She was now in a tree. She was running along branches, quickly scanning the ground below for the dwarf, or any signs that he'd been there. She saw none.

Continuing on, she came across a couple of spiders. She killed them quickly, an arrow in one eye for one, a dagger down the throat for the other.

She checked the white sack the spiders had been dragging along behind them. There wasn't a dwarf, just eggs.

She disposed of them quickly and returned to her task of hunting for the missing dwarf. He wasn't where they had captured the rest of them. But he couldn't have gotten far, not after having been bitten after a spider. Tauriel had been bitten by spiders on several occasions. She knew what it felt like. She had felt sick to her stomach, and quite dizzy. The poison hadn't proven itself fatal yet, but they could only see the results in elves, and elves healed very quickly and didn't die of disease the way the other races did.

Perhaps, if there really was a missing dwarf, he'd been killed by the poison. But the other twelve had survived the bites, so it wouldn't make sense.

After an hour or two, she turned around, convinced that there was no thirteenth dwarf. But, just so that she was certain not to miss him if he really did exist, she watched the ground below as she ran back to the Elvenking's halls.

She fails to notice the white sack that was hidden amongst more webs.

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><p>"Tauriel!" Legolas called after her.<p>

She waited for him to catch up to her. "I don't think there was another dwarf. If there was, he's not in the forest any more."

"Are you sure?"

"I searched everywhere! I even checked the edges of the forest. And nothing!"

"All right. Thank you for checking, I appreciate it," Legolas said.

"What about them, the dwarves?" She asked.

"I don't know. Maybe they lied, perhaps there was another dwarf but the spiders ate him, it's possible that he fell asleep in the enchanted river."

"Should I tell dwarves that I couldn't find their dwarf, or are you going to?" She asked.

"I'll tell them," Legolas said, walking off.

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><p>Outside the gates of the halls, the orcs waited for the dwarves.<p>

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><p><strong>Hi. If you hadn't noticed, this is my first story. If you could let me know how I'm doing by leaving me review, that'd be great and I'd really appreciate it.<strong>

**And I feel like I'm forgetting something. Oh, no that was was if. Merry Christmas! Pippin Christmas! [Insert Hobbit Name Here] Christmas! And if you celebrate anything else, whether it's already passed (hasn't Chanukah passed already?) or is coming up, I hope you enjoyed it/will enjoy it.**


	2. Chapter 2

Kili woke up, still wrapped up in webbing, with a headache. He could remember being caught by the spider, but nothing after that. He must have hit his head, though.

He awkwardly climbed out of his cocoon with webs still in his hair and on his clothes. He didn't bother trying to take them off, they'd come off in their own time.

He stood up and immediately got caught up in even more webs. After a bit of a struggle, he freed himself, feeling as if the webs were alive, and reaching out, desperate to catch him and entangle him.

He carefully tried to climb out of the maze of webs that surrounded him, slashing at them with his sword when they got in his way.

He wasn't sure to expect. The rest of the company could be in the trees, eaten, caught by elves, they could have ventured further in to the forest without him…the possibilities were endless.

He found no dwarves and no hobbit. He found the bodies of dead spiders, several with elvish arrows embedded in them. In one he found one of his brother's countless knives, as well as the arrows, suggesting that both had fought the spider, meaning the company had been caught by elves.

Kili sat down, unsure of why he should do. He could try to find the Halls of the Elvenking and give himself in, but what good would that do? He could try to find his way back to Beorn's and wait for Gandalf, who could help, but he could be waiting for ages. He could try to go on and reach the town of the Long Lake, where men dwelt. But what could they do? From what Thorin had said, they would be poor, starving, whatever wealth they had would come from trade with the Woodland Realm. They would never go against the only people who gave them money. They would starve and might possibly freeze to death, now it was winter.

He could continue on to the mountain and wait for Gandalf there, had the company not been told to wait…somewhere? He hadn't been listening to the conversation, although he regretted it now. But he could remember words: 'overlooking', 'Dale', 'desolation', 'mountain,'. A spot on the mountain overlooking Dale and the desolated lands?

Kili decided it was best to continue onwards to Esgaroth and Erebor. He could wait for the wizard. If he were to run out of food he could go to Lake-Town and buy some more food. The only thing that bothered him was the dragon. The dragon hadn't been seen in…sixty years, was it? What if he were to wake and leave the mountain? Kili had no shelter and the dragon would almost surely see him. But maybe he wouldn't. Hopefully he wouldn't wake up in the first place. But in case he did, Kili could stay near the River Running. Fire could burn many things, but it couldn't burn water.

He stood up and thought about which way he should go. They had lost the path ages ago. He didn't have a way out. He could set off now and go forwards but end up walking around in giant circles and he wouldn't know. He might eventually find more spiders, he could come across the enchanted stream again, the Woodland elves might happen upon him, he might just starve to death first. But he had a better chance of getting out if he tried, and didn't just stand in one spot, contemplating all the possible outcomes. So he took one step forward, and then another and another.

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><p>Kili spent ages wandering through Mirkwood. He had walked for hours and hours. His legs ached and he was starving. He wasn't thirsty; he had come across a stream and was following it, hoping it would lead him to the Long Lake.<p>

It had been quite peaceful, surprisingly enough. He hadn't run in to anymore spiders or any other foul creatures. He hadn't run in to any elves either. Unfortunately he hadn't come across any animals he could shoot down and eat. Not even the meatless squirrels he had encountered with the company when they had first entered the forest.

It was dark now, pitch-black and the leaves of the trees blocked any light he might have had, had the stars been visible. He was getting tired as well. His eyelids were becoming heavier and heavier. His thoughts were short and simple: push on or give in. Give in and sleep. He knew the he would eventually have to give in; no one could keep going forever. But he didn't want to give in, not just yet.

He could see something in the distance. The forest wasn't so dense anymore, he was beginning to be able to see the sky. And before him there were doors. Great big doors, with torches burning brightly on either side. There were two shapes as well, in front of the doors. Elves, most likely, Elven guards guarding the doors to the Elvenking's Halls.

They weren't looking in his direction, they were looking at the trees to his left. So he slowly started to walk backwards. And began to think.

What would he do now? Go around? He couldn't go through, he couldn't go to near, buy go around, would he reach the Long Lake then?

Too tired to focus on what he should do, he began to walk again.

He heard a branch snap. Fully awake again, he unsheathed his sword and kept it pointed at where he had heard the sound coming from. When nothing happened, he began to walk backwards slowly, sword still out, now thinking. Elves wouldn't have broken a branch. The spiders wouldn't have either. What else could it have been?

He was asking himself that when he bumped in to something. Surely it was just a tree. He turned around. It wasn't a tree he had hit. It was an orc.

The orc hit him. He jumped back, but not quite enough to dodge the blow, although it was enough to prevent the blow from knocking him unconscious.

He fell on his back with his eyes closed, pretending to have lost consciousness. He felt the orc grab him by the ankle and drag him across the ground. He could surprise the orc, fight him, perhaps kill him, but if there were anymore orcs around they would hear. So would the elves. But would it be worth it?

He was asking himself this as the orc dragged him over a rock. It his his head so hard that he really lost consciousness.

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><p>Fili was thinking about a toy he had owned when he was small. It was the first toy he had bought with his own money. It had been a little wooden figure of a dwarven soldier. It had been his favourite toy for years after he bought it. He'd bought it when he was ten, and he never let anyone near it, not even his little brother. Even when he looked at him with his big, innocent eyes, begging to play with it.<p>

Then he thought about lessons with Balin after he'd learned of his role, his responsibility: being crown prince to the throne of Erebor, after Thorin. Learning of trade, of negotiations, of other races that could be called upon as allies, of other lines of dwarves and where they lived, and of elves—learning of the feud between their races and how to manage them. And then when he was nine, then Kili joined the lessons. He had never payed attention, always playing or drawing sketches, sometimes just staring in to space.

Then Fili thought about their quest, how far they were from the mountain, what would happen if they got out, how they would defeat the dragon. Because it couldn't happen any other way. He couldn't see it any other way. They had to get out of their cells, they had to kill the dragon, they had to make Thorin king.

Because if they didn't, what else would happen? Would they rot in their cells until they died of old age? Would the dragon kill them? Would their mission be written up as a failure?

Fili could imagine another young dwarf in his lessons, listening to how a band of thirteen dwarves had left the Blue Mountains and allied themselves with a wizard and a hobbit from the Shire, and had crossed the width of Middle Earth, fought Goblins and Orcs and Wargs, Giant Spiders, Elves and possibly Men, only to perish in Dragon Fire.

_That just won't do, _he thought. _We will not let the Line of Durin fall. It shall not end with us._

The blond elf, the leader of the party to have captured the company walked past Fili's cell. Fili stood up hurriedly and stuck his hand out the cell door. "Have you news of my brother?" He called after the elf.

The elf, having already passed Fili's cell, turned around and walked back to him. "No," he said. "My second-in-command was unable to find him."

"But he has to be out there! He was with us when the spiders attacked us! Not when you caught us, but before that! He…" Fili's voice trailed off as be was about to say that he couldn't be dead.

"I'm sorry, but she found no thirteenth dwarf. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must speak to my… King," the elf said before leaving.

Fili let his legs slide out from underneath him as he slid down the wall he was leaning against. He couldn't… Kili wasn't dead, he couldn't be! Surely the elf that had gone searching for him had just missed him.

Fili's thoughts drifted to his mother. They last time he'd seen her.

_The sun was rising, the day's first rays of sunlight were peaking over the mountain. He'd been standing in the doorway, taking one last look at the place that had been his home for eighty-two years, his entire life. Odds were that he would never seen it again. He would either die or everyone here would move to Erebor after the company recovered the mountain, in which case there would be no reason to return, unless it was for a trip just to go back and see his old home._

_His mother had her arms around him. "Please don't go," she said._

_"I must. I am the crown prince and I have pledged myself to the service of Uncle Thorin in his quest to recover the Lonely Mountain," he had replied._

_"Look at me," his mother had said, letting go of him. "I want to see your face."_

_Fili turned to face her and saw tears running down his mother's face._

_"Promise me something," she said, wiping the tears from her face. "Promise me that the next time I see you, you'll be alive and well, and in one piece."_

_"I promise," he'd said, fighting back tears himself, just beginning to feel like the adventure was about to start, just beginning to understand how dangerous it was going to be._

_"And promise me you'll take care of your brother. Make sure he doesn't kill himself climbing a tree or doing something else stupid. Promise me you'll keep him alive," she had said, not bothering to wipe away the tears that ran freely now._

_"I promise," he said._

_"And keep an eye on your uncle. The gold in that mountain is cursed."_

_"I will."_

_His mother threw her arms around him again. "Please, please don't leave me."_

_"I have to."_

_"No you don't. You can stay."_

_"I can't do that."_

_"Fine. But, please, stay alive and keep your brother out of trouble."_

_"I already said I would."_

_"I know."_

Fili sat in the corner of the cell, where he couldn't be seen by any elves. And knowing he had broken his promise to his mother, he let a tear roll down his cheek.

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><p><strong>Hi.<strong>

**Firstly, I want to say thank you to those of you who have already reviewed, favourited and followed this story, it's such a great feeling to know that I have such brilliant support, it really is the best inspiration that I could ever ask for.**

**Secondly, since I didn't say this last chapter, this follows both the book and the movies, for example: the orcs were in Mirkwood, but the dwarves won't get out after a few minutes or however long it was in movie-time. Oh, and I have seen The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies already (and I cried, because *pulls up Boromir* One Does Not Simply Watch The Hobbit Without Crying), since I didn't mention in the last chapter either.**

**Next, I feel it is necessary to say that I have quite a talent when it comes to procrastinating so I don't know how often I will be able to update. I will try to make my updates as frequent as possible, though!**

**I don't know if I'll be able to put up another chapter before the New Year, so I think I'll just say "Happy End of 2014/Start of 2015!" now. **

**Please review and have a Happy End of 2014/Start of 2015!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Seeing as I got a lovely guest review for the last chapter and couldn't reply to it, I'm going to reply to it now.**

**Thanks! I really appreciate your enthusiasm! And here's the next chapter!**

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><p>It was warm. There was a fire lit in the centre of the large cavern. Kili had been propped up in the corner, with his arms behind his back, tied to a metal post that dug into his back and seemed to be stuck in to the rocky ground. He could hear talking. Scratchy voices speaking a harsh and ugly language.<p>

Kili began to feel the panic building up within himself. He didn't know where he was. He'd been captured by orcs. They were going to kill him. But they hadn't yet. Why?

He watched the orcs curiously. They were sat around the fire. There were three of them. One seemed to be sharpening a sword, the other two were engaging in a rather aggressive conversation. The one sharpening his sword was facing Kili. After a minute, he looked up and saw Kili with his eyes open. He put his sword aside and nudged the orc beside him. The two orcs stopped conversing and one left quickly. Kili noticed that he had a limp.

When he came back, he had someone with him. Another orc. This one had pieces of metal jutting out of the sides of his body in a symmetrical pattern. As he got closer, Kili saw his left eyes was a milky white and there were strips of metal across his forehead and one below the eye. His left eye was blind.

He seemed to bark a command to the other orc that had been conversing and pushed him forward. The other orc walked over to Kili.

"What is your name?" he asked in the Common Tongue, his face a far too close to Kili's. But at this distance, Kili could see that this orc had barely-visible marks on his forehead, scars that seemed to be from mild burns.

"Where am I? Who are you? Why did you take me here? What do you want from me?" Kili shouted back, his panic building up again. He could feel it rising in his chest, threatening to boil over.

"We want to know your name," the orc snapped.

"Why should I tell you that?" Kili replied, unable to think of a better response without giving his name to the orcs.

The orc with scars from burns turned to the rest of the orcs. He said something in their foul language and the orc that had been sharpening his sword pulled a small dagger from his belt and gave it to Burns. Burns turned back to Kili and held the knife to his throat.

The blade was cold. It was sharp. It was digging into Kili's neck. He could feel drops of blood running down his neck and chest.

"This is why," Burns said. "Your name."

"Kili," Kili mumbled, squirming as he felt the pressure at his neck increase.

"Louder!" Burns shouted.

"Kili," Kili repeated.

"Are you one of the thirteen dwarves in the company of Thorin Oakenshield?" the orc asked, pulling the dagger away from Kili's neck.

"Yes."

"You look a lot like Thorin Oakenshield. Are you in any way related?"

Kili kept silent a second too long before hurriedly saying, "No, not at all."

"Lies!" The orc with a blind eye roared.

Kili felt the knife cutting him again. "Yes!" He shouted when he felt more blood trickling down his neck.

"How are you related?" Blind-Eye snarled. "No lies this time, or we slit your throat and leave you bleed out."

"I'm his nephew," Kili mumbled, hanging his head.

"Louder!" One of the orcs shouted. Kili didn't know which one.

"He's my uncle," Kili said quietly but clearly.

He looked up to see their reaction. They were muttering to each other in their horrid tongue. Blind-Eye was smiling.

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><p>It was raining. Water poured and poured from the heavens with no signs of stopping. Each and every single drop of rain that pelted him stung. The wind was howling, almost roaring and threatened to knock Kili over. He was dripping wet and frozen to the bone. His hands were bound together. He walked behind two of the orcs, the one with burns was behind him and the orc with a blind eye was beside him. All four of the orcs had wargs. Burns' warg kept nudging him, bumping in to him, snarling at him.<p>

"Where are you taking me?" Kili demanded, asking for the third time.

For the third time, the orcs refused to answer his question. The orc with a limp and the orc that had been sharpening his sword in the cave were now conversing. Burns wasn't doing anything in particular, just staring blankly in front of them, checking behind them every once in a while. But Blind-Eye was fully alert, his eye constantly focused on Kili.

Kili himself was terrified. His uncle and Dwalin and Balin had often told himself and Fili stories of orcs. How they were cruel and malicious. And stories of bodies they had come across where it could not be more clear that the person had been at the hands of orcs. The cries of agony. Victims that had been tortured so badly that the corpse was unrecognisable. Missing limbs that had been torn off whilst the person lived, mangled messes of flesh and bone and blood. They were no longer bodies, they were things. Horrible, bloody things. Things that one felt offended looking at, as if they did not belong in this world.

Orcs took pleasure in torturing victims, causing them agonising pain, dragging them through the fire but keeping them alive. Always alive, keeping them alive until eventually they decided they couldn't do any more with this particular person. And then they kill them. Slit their wrists if the victims still have their arms intact, or some other slow, and painful death.

Not wanting to think of what could become of him, he took his mind of thoughts like those and decided to focus on something else. His thoughts went to his brother. He didn't know where Fili was. He could be in the Elvenking's Halls, thrown in a cell for trespassing on King Thranduil's land without asking permission. He could have escaped the elves, hidden somewhere else in the forest. He might have gone on, and be in Lake-Town now. Or he could be dead. Eaten by the monstrous spiders. Or something else. Anything else.

His dripping wet hair fell into his eyes and he stumbled, his sight blocked. He raised his hands up to his forehead and awkwardly tried to push his hair back behind his ear. Blind-Eye was still watching him. Looking at him as if he were looking at a potential meal. Kili shuddered. He was scared of that look.

He noticed that it was getting dark. He couldn't see the sun, it had been hidden by the thick grey clouds that covered the sky like a quilt does a bed. But he now suspected that it had set, disappeared over the peaks of the dark and gloomy Misty Mountains.

He sighed, trying to forget about the way Blind-Eye wouldn't stop looking at him, even though he could feel Blind-Eye's eye constantly looking him up and down.

Then Kili was lying on his back, staring at red and golden leaves on branches that were high above him, with rain falling in his eyes. He made a weak attempt to push himself up, but his hands were still bound and the earth beneath him had become mud and was no too slippery.

Burns' warg stopped, it's head looming over him, its nose just an inch from Kili's own. The warg stared at him for a moment before snarling and barking loudly in his ear. It snapped at him, too.

Kili tried to sit up and push himself away from the warg but only succeeded in sitting up and then falling back down again.

Burns dismounted his warg. Kili half hoped it was because he was going to help him up. Instead, he kicked him in his stomach. "Get up!" He barked.

It was a hard kick that left Kili winded, without air in his lungs and unable to take in any.

"Get up!" Burns cried, kicking him again.

Kili, still struggling to breath, rolled to his front and pushed himself up. The rope that tied his wrists together now coated with mud which would eventually dry and stiffen. The mud in his already-tangled hair and on his clothes would do the same. His mother had forbidden him from leaving their home the last time he'd been in such a state. But she was far away. Far away, over mountains, across rivers and through forests. Beyond beautiful, rolling green hills where a little people build their cozy little hobbit-holes in the hills, with colourful round doors, lovely little gardens and the little people themselves, wearing lovely bright colours, mainly green and yellow.

As Kili began to get his breath back, he began to think of Bilbo. The timid little hobbit they had recruited as a burglar in Bag End was no longer quite so timid. He's wasn't too quite anymore, either. He often talked of his home: his armchair by the blazing fire, his kitchen, and the dozen meals that hobbits apparently ate everyday.

He thought of his own home. The room he shared with his brother, his mother sitting alone by the fire after his father had died, the market in town and it's shops, like the toy shop that he'd adored when he was small. Every time he'd passed it with his mother, uncle or father, he'd always make them stop whilst he went in and looked at all the various toys. It was in that shop that Fili had bought the wooden Warrior. The little toy that he hadn't been allowed to touch. The one he had once stolen and hidden from his brother so that he could play with it when Fili wasn't around. He'd hidden it under his pillow. Somehow, when Fili had gone hunting for it, it hadn't occurred to him to check under Kili's pillow. Eventually, when Kili got bored of the toy, he'd hidden it under Fili's pillow.

But the Blue Mountains weren't his home anymore. He didn't quite have one just at the moment. But they would reclaim Erebor. And then the Lonely Mountain would be his home. Or he might die. Actually, that was a serious possibility, considering his current company.

Brought back to reality, Blind-Eye barked an order, and Burns, the orc with a limp and the orc that had been sharpening his sword back in the cavern, all stopped under a large tree where they were sheltered from the rain.

"We stop here for now," Burns growled.

Kili nodded, not willing to say anything and unable to do anything else. Just sit at the base of the tree, keep quiet and hope the orcs didn't get bored. And deflect any suspicion whilst planning his escape. Because, seeing as he hadn't been killed yet, they obviously wanted him for some purpose. But that wouldn't deter the orcs from 'playing' with him unless they had orders not to harm him, which the didn't, considering they hadn't known who he was. But should they become bored, he would be their entertainment. And if he managed to escape, even if it was just to get lost in the forest and starve to death. Anything would be better than to become the plaything of orcs.

After what felt like years, the rain stopped and the wind calmed, and the orcs were deep in conversation. They had been for quite some time. They hadn't turned around to see if he was still there in a long time, either. Kili was on the other side of the tree. Kili, deciding that he wouldn't get as good an opportunity again, ran from the tree and stole away in to the night, leaving the orcs behind him.

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><p><strong>Hello, dear readers! I have returned!<strong>

**So, since I last updated, the Christmas holidays ended and life began to take up speed again. So I haven't had as much time to write. And I'm still amazing at procrastinating. But on the upside I've been watching a fair amount of Being Human! Vampire Aidan Turner... **

**Anyway, I'd love to know what you thought of this chapter; please review, my preciouses, my loves!**


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